Fiction Talks Back

From The Preface This writing project started in a fit of anger, as evidenced by the first story. It ends with a lightened heart, as evidenced by the last. The evolution from darkness to light speaks to the marvelous thing I have come to think of as the Excellence of Existence. Without realizing it as I wrote these stories, this turned out to be the unspoken motif that propelled their actuality and countless re-writes. This Writer despairs of giving this book an appropriate description. In place of one, I present the prospective reader the following helpful FAQ. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS Question: Is the Author married? Is he looking to have a good time?
The Author has been married for 25 years to a wonderful girl. He has a good time every day when he is with his Beloved. Question: Is there Nudity in Fiction Talks Back?
Yes. Question: Is there Violence in Fiction Talks Back?
Yes, there is copious violence inflicted upon the criminal known as Ennui in Fiction Talks Back. Question: Is the author interested in buying a used 2011 Hyundai Sonata, GLS Trim, Electric Blue with Beige interior, 25 MPG, 5 speed automatic transmission. Please note that the bulb for the passenger side illuminated vanity mirror needs to be replaced. Cheap.
No, the Author is not interested. This is a terrible car. The Author is also advising all his readers not to entertain this purchase. Question: Should I carry a gun or a knife while I read Fiction Talks Back?
Yes, the Author recommends packing defensive weaponry while enjoying Fiction Talks Back since it is a work fraught with danger, excitement and passion. Question: Can the Author please give us his fabulous Whole Roasted Honey Tomato recipe?
Yes. (See inside for full recipe) Question: Is it true that Animals speak in Fiction Talks Back?
Yes, but only in the First Edition. Order your First Edition copy of Fiction Talks Back today. Question: How do I get a year old ketchup stain off a blended alabaster jump suit?
Those stains are going to have to be manhandled. Over an entire year ketchup particles will have been burned in, baked in and frozen in. It's a mess. To remove stains from the suit, take it to a creek, dip in creek water, and bash against big smooth rocks. It's the only way to loosen all that fused particulate matter. Avoid jagged rocks to minimize chance of shredding the suit. Question: In Marcel Proust's À la recherche du temps perdu, Vol. 4, Sodome et Gomorrhe, Albertine Simonet has made the Narrator her sex slave. There is no physical description of the Narrator, so I am having issues identifying with Albertine's motives. Would it be possible to replace the Narrator with Thrushcross Heathcliff to propel the story forward in a more authentic progression? It is my understanding he spends a lot of time in the gym.
The Author doesn't know. He only skimmed Vol. 1, Du Côté De Chez Swann, up to the "petites madeleines" scene. Thank God this occurs early, in the book's preamble. The Author read the rest of the chapter and then set fire to the book. This is an excellent technique that permits one to say truthfully, "I read À La Recherche Du Temps Perdu," when in actual fact, one did not. Question: Is it hard to design and build a working suspension bridge that supports automobile traffic, by yourself?
Yes. Question: Are these Frequently Asked Questions and Answers real?
This FAQ comprises non-fictional questions with real-sounding answers.