Bj Smith

Momma I Should Have Listened Bj Smith

Never has society focused on a mother's life after her child has been incarcerated until now. In this heart-wrenching memoir, Tosha shares a highly-detailed journey of how she propelled through the physical and mental exhaustion of dealing with a dying mother and a prodigal son. She spent endless hours fighting to keep her oldest son, BJ, out of the realm of juvenile delinquency. However, his continued disobedience and criminal conduct resulted in a harsh prison sentencing. Now faced with a huge internal conflict between unconditional love and unconditional acceptance, Tosha realized that she could no longer help her son; she now had to truly employ her own mother's practices of tough love. One occasion after another, Tosha saved BJ from touching the burning flame; however, he still had an unrelenting thirst that could only be quenched by getting burned. This time, the burn was unimaginable. He left her broken in grief to be with his father and live the dream of being "free." This dream quickly turned into a nightmare that would last for forty years. Her worst nightmare had come true, and all the remorse, embarrassment, and regret crashed upon her at once. Despite dealing with depression and delusion, she was persistent in her personal fight and in supporting a household with hopes that her story would resonate with other parents dealing with a child entrapped in the fantasy life of the streets. As tough as this battle was, it only intensified. Even though only one member of the family was incarcerated, the whole family was mentally enslaved as of a result. In a series of poems and letters, Blake and Tosha express their confusion and desolation throughout their experience dealing with an unjust justice system. Heartfelt correspondence between this mother and son communicate their acknowledgment for their faults, yet triumphs, that contributed to their journey with aspirations to be a wind of encouragement for families that are suffering the same fate.