Hey Dickhead, Read This!

Hi, nice to meet you. You think you're going to get the usual crap in the description field telling you that this book is going to sort your life out. Forget that shit. I'm talking to you right now. Yeah you might think you are talking to some faceless book but I am talking to you. The reason I know I am talking to you is because I AM you. Now fucking look inside this book and start at the first page. What? You don't like being told what to do by a book? Shut up and get used to it. See you on the first page. Page 1 So you made it. Well done dickhead. You're interested enough in yourself to have a conversation with an inanimate object such as a book. Pat yourself on the back dickhead. So why do I call you a dickhead? Simple answer is because I can, and always have. You can substitute the word dickhead with douchebag, idiot, moron, prick, fuck head... you get the drift. I've probably called you all of them in the past, but let's stick with dickhead. I like dickhead. Remember that bit where I said I was you? You thought 'what a joker' when I said that, didn't you? Some people may have put the book down but some of you have kept reading. And if you did, realise that this book may be you. Now hear me out and listen up. I am your inner voice, your subconscious. It is your subconscious talking right back to you right now. You get me? You in? We on the same page? So the big question is: are you ready to meet you? The you that sits and resides within your skin? It's going to be quite a journey but once you get to know you, a.k.a. me, your life will never be the same. Feels funny talking to yourself doesn't it? But that's what you do. Every day and every night, 24 hours a day. Whether you're awake or asleep you and I are in constant contact. But let's get something straight before we move on: I AM MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU. Get that dickhead? I tell you what to do and not the other way round. Let's not get confused. I am your boss. The reason I know that is because I can call you a dickhead and you still listen to me. Wanna call me a dickhead? I would hear you but the problem is you never dare do it. Most of the time, you're too scared to even speak to me. You simply listen to what I say, and meekly oblige. So when I said I am more powerful than you it sounded pretty arrogant didn't it? The problem is I am arrogant. The thing is I am more powerful than you because I KNOW more than you. Knowledge is power - you know that, I concede. I have access to parts of your brain and memory that you can't access. Well you do have access, but it's via me. I'm that big bouncer in front of the entrance of the club called "YOU" in neon lights. I have access to everything that has happened to you in your life. Thing is I remember everything what happened to you and your emotional responses. You consult me a lot. You trust me. I look after you. So why are we chatting? I think we're chatting because you have just become aware of me and you want to get to know me better. I want you to get to know me better. The more you know me, the better me and you are going to get on. The better me and you get on, the better life you will have. Trust me. So the next lot of chapters are all about improving our relationship. I know I dropped the "relationship" word early but me and you are partners for life. We are kindred spirits. We are married. We are first loves. There is no one else for you other than me. So it's important we get on, right? So move on to the next chapter dickhead. I just called you dickhead to remind you that I can call you dickhead. Got that dickhead?